Her Tears
© 1994 Michele Toomey, PhD
Information on purchasing Her Tears as a tape

She looked the picture of peace. She spoke the language of intelligence and concern. She mirrored the priority of her time. All was well. Life could go on as planned. No one need attend to her or pay a bit of heed. She was what she was meant to be. Smiling, she played her part.

Of course there were some minor blips from time to time. Surgery was frequent. Always something else to fix. But luckily they were able to slice away the pain, leaving only hidden scars to mark the spot. Outwardly her smile continued and the bleeding seemed to stop. Nonetheless, the cutting took its toll.

Over time she shrank in stature and was contorted in her walk. Missing more and more internal flesh and organs, she grew distorted and deformed. No one really paid attention tho', because throughout it all, she never wavered and never once skipped a beat. There was no reason to confront it when life's pace was undisturbed.

Soon her chin dragged on the ground and her mouth spoke toward the earth. Then her back became a table supported by her arms and kneeling legs. Her face was hidden by the process and her eyes became a stare. Still it went unheeded. She had lost the air and stature of a woman of her state, but her functional capacity served them well and her former image warmed their heart. Not to worry, they knew she was smiling and ever willing to still play her part.

Life went by, as it has a way of doing. She grew old and more resigned, it seemed. Years and years of looking downward and of doing as she should, appeared to have prepared her to keep going on this road. Surely, she had every reason to continue, but for one important fact -- her head had turned inward and she could only see beneath in the shadow of her bent torso, under her bent back.

Stunned, she grappled with the vision of herself that was in view. Her legs were misshapen and discolored, and her stomach was distended in an awkward sort of square. In an attempt to protect herself from this distortion she shut her eyes and tried very hard to shut her mind. But the image made an indelible impression that was stamped across her gaze. She saw what she had seen. With her eyes shut or open, it mattered not at all. It was inside as well as out.

There was nothing she could do but cry, so cry and cry she did. Not for moments or for hours, but for days and then for years. Over time the endless flow of tears gathered round her and became a pool-like pond. Eventually she was floating on her back with outstretched arms, and bended legs protruding from the water right up into the air.

No one questioned her position nor the presence of the pond. Friends and family glanced in her direction as they passed her by, but for the most part thought it rather quaint. They even built a fence around the newly formed pool and put down chairs to sit about. She'd become a familiar fixture, not a person floating by. There was nothing more to notice and nothing else to say.

Then one day a stranger came by and saw the woman floating in the pond. Not aware of what was happening or of the proper thing to do, the stranger waded out into the water and spoke quietly in the woman's ear. "This is a very odd situation. I'm stunned to see you here. Is there some way I can help you to get out of here?"

Unaccustomed now to speaking, the woman couldn't give an answer. She couldn't make a sound. But her eyes seemed to send a message all the same. The stranger was attentive to it as she moved ever closer to her stiffened arms and legs. "Take my hand," she told the woman. "And I'll pull you toward the grass."

But the woman was inert and had no way to move her hands or feet. They were frozen stiff in place. So the stranger wrapped her fingers round the woman's wrists and gently she began pulling her along. Again no one seemed to notice except perhaps to nod and then go on. Certainly no one stopped to join and help or question anything.

Once at the edge of grass and water the task was much harder than the stranger first had thought. Rigid and immobile, the woman's body could not be brought to the land. Puzzled but not defeated, the stranger thought and thought and thought. Finally, she turned to the woman and in a firm but caring voice began: "I can't move you as you are, in this state of all dead weight, but I'll come daily here to see you and massage your body for awhile. You, in turn, must pay attention and join your energy with mine. Together we'll generate the heat that's needed to warm your blood and thaw your limbs. In the meantime, journey inward and see if you can kindle your lost fire."

As she left, the stranger stroked the woman's forehead and brushed her hair out of her face. Then she turned in quiet sadness and walked silently away. True to her word, however, she returned to the woman each and every day. For hours she massaged the woman's arms and hands and legs. Gradually they changed color to their natural tone and hue. But the woman still was frozen and still unable to speak or move.

Struck by the woman's immobility after such a long, long time, the stranger started talking to her, deciding she would try to reach the woman's spirit through her mind. For hours she would talk to her about the world she'd left behind. Then she'd talk about the ways the inner world was hers to claim and bring to life. That the inner world had movement and energy and song. At times she even sang to her in a soothing, rhythmic way. But the woman was still rigid and impassive in her stare. Nothing seemed to bring her forth or make her more aware.

Finally, the stranger grew impatient and began to shake the woman 'til she again began to cry. This time the tears gushed forcefully, like torrents and strong waves, stirring up the water and washing her away. The pond became a stormy sea, churning and crashing all about.

Swirling around in circles and tumbling end on end, the woman looked in danger. Surely she would drown.

Stunned, the stranger wondered desperately, "Whatever shall I do? I can't swim out to her without risking my life, too." So once again she pondered about the woman's fate. She thought and thought about her and finally she knew. Dig a trench and start a run-off to change the flow and bring her in. So, the stranger began calling out to everyone in sight, "Grab a shovel and come start digging before this woman drowns before our very eyes."

First no one paid attention, they just kept going along their way. Then the water started rising and flooding the surrounding towns. Chairs and tables, beds and bureaus began floating by. As they got closer to the woman they were piling up on her. Bobbing up and crashing down they bumped her time and time again.

People got the message. This was not something to ignore. They ran and got their shovels and started digging trenches to divert the water. But, to no avail. As fast as they were digging, the torrents flooded by. It was a hopeless task, however, for until her tears stopped flowing no one would be safe. It was obvious that she had all the power as long as she would cry.

Once again the stranger pondered and once again she took the lead. "Come join together", she called out, "and form a human chain. We'll see if we can reach her and bring her back to land."

It took days and days of trying that eventually went to years. There was water never ending. There was flooding everywhere. Still they could not reach the woman, though the chain went on for miles. Winding round and being pummeled made them hang on to each other, clinging both for comfort and in fear. They began to form a bond.

Over time their bond grew deeper and their weary hearts held hope. They began to see each other's faces and to notice each one's hands. They felt stronger with each other and safer hand in hand. Gradually their heads and shoulders had dried without warning and the waves were calming down. The water was receding. It was being drawn away. The tide had turned and they were safe. In unison they began to cry in deep relief. Their tears were warm and gentle. The current one of peace. It flowed like soothing balm around them. They relaxed and then embraced.

The stranger stepped forth from the warmth and peaceful balm, and asked them to cup their hands together and call out in one voice for the woman yet unfound.

Now you never heard such clarity in such a thunderous sound. It carried over all the water and around the earth and back. There were no words, just harmony and melody of a celestial kind. There was brilliance in the air carried by bursting energy. The wondrous sound and light created were too strong and bright to really hear or see. Everyone was joined within where ears and eyes are free to listen to the hidden sounds and gaze on unseen sights.

And as they were rapt in awesome silence the woman's form emerged. Radiantly she rose before them in glorious stature, full of grace. With arms outstretched and face aglow she turned the sound and light to words:

"I once looked out and only saw
What you defined as true.
I never once looked at myself
I only looked at you.

"Dear stranger, when you first noticed me
I did the only thing I knew.
As you tried and tried to set me free
I looked and looked at you.

"My tears were the one thing I had
The one thing that was mine.
Frozen as I was in every way
Tears were my only sign
That I existed and could express myself.
The one thing that was mine.

"But when I cried in torrents
And my tears became your curse
I grew to know my power
And feel a sense of worth.
"The forcefulness that came from me
Was a gift I'd never known.
That your lives had been disrupted
By something I had done
Gave me a sense of who I was
Relative to you.

"And when you started crying gently
I felt great relief inside.
It was the first time our tears had come together.
It was the first time we had all cried.

"Then when you raised your voices
Calling out to me in wondrous song and sound
The beauty of the moment was more than I could bear
In ecstasy-like jubilance I burst forth and freely moved around.

"I had come alive and found myself
Once I'd let you touch me.
At last I was available
At last I was now free."

With that a brilliant light engulfed her and transformed her as she rose upward to the sky. They stared in rapt attention in the grandeur of the scene. They'll never know how long they stayed. They lost all track of time. But when they came around again, everything had changed.

The land around was Eden-like, rich and lush and green. Within they felt an inner glow that transformed them as well. Nothing was the same.

Tradition has it that this aura was eternal and the people here are free to live with their spirit inside out for all eternity. Their spirits touch each other and their inner lives are known. And the woman's wondrous energy casts sunbursts every day as a constant reminder of enlightenment that forever leads the way.

And the lilting undercurrent that nourishes this place speaks of praise and tribute to the woman who transformed their inner light into an outer glow. So if you listen carefully and place your ear against the ground, you're very apt to hear:

"We are carrying you within us
You are never out of sight
We all treasure this reversal
That turned darkness into light.

"Everything is inside out
The magic's in our eyes
We live each day with wonder
We live in awed surprise.

"So we travel with you always
Looking in instead of out
Holding hands and touching spirits
Knowing, really knowing, what life is all about."

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