© 1999 Michele Toomey, PhD
We need to talk to each other about more than what's happening. We need to share how it's affecting us. True intimacy comes from knowing our relationship to what's happening, not just what's happening. Liberation yields intimacy because it comes from relating to ourselves and each other with integrity (honesty), fairness, caring and respect. That's not easy in a world that teaches us to compare ourselves to each other, feel lessened or jealous if we come up short in the comparison or superior and righteous if we come up better. Intimate talk is meant to help us learn how to talk to ourselves and each other in a way that allows us to be more comfortable with our own truths, our desires, our hopes, our fears .... and therefore be more free to be intimate with ourselves and then with each other.
|I loved the way you looked at me.
||Why'd you look at me like that?
||It's about time you looked at me like that.
|The way you're dealing with that scares me.
||You're out of control.
||Cut that out, you jerk!
|I feel so upset by this.
||I'm not going to take this.
||Get out of my face.
|I've never before experienced anything as exciting as this.
||This is exciting.
||If you think this is exciting you haven't done much
|I don't understand what you're trying to tell me, but I really want to, so please explain further to me what's going on for you.
||Sorry, I don't get it.
||What the hell are you trying to say?