Violating Anger vs. Liberating Anger
© 2002 Michele Toomey, PhD

Violating Anger Liberating Anger
Has a twist Is straight
Manipulates the truth Seeks the relief of honest self-expression
Has a hidden agenda Wants to discover the truth
Attacks to hurt Expresses the hurt and anger
Blames and proves "guilt" Confronts
Is a weapon Is a tool
Seeks to discredit the other as a person Seeks to expose
Has no accountability Demands accountability
Hides behind innocence Chooses not to hide
Is righteously superior Is adamant
Assumes another's motives Never assumes motives
Needs a villain Rejects villains
Refuses to claim anything Claims its part
Seeks to punish Determines consequences for itself
Uses information to make a case against the other Uses information for clarity/understanding
Fears exposure Values exposure
Leads to abuse Leads to intimacy
Alienates and violates Liberates

Because anger has such force and potential for violence, it needs to be treated with great discipline and respect. Uncontrolled anger is dangerous and we recognize that even if we don't know how to control it. Unaddressed and unexpressed anger is also dangerous, and we tend not to realize that.

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