The Freedom of Dealing With It

© 2000 Michele Toomey, PhD


October 17, 2000

Like so many things in life, the prospect of doing something where the cost precedes the gain, triggers an initial reluctance or resistance...even refusal. We want the reward, the gratification, now...not later. Understandable, but not psychologically fair. The integrity of our system requires discipline, balance between indulgence and abstinence, and the reflection of processing that allows us to determine the fair boundaries of each.

One of the essential tools for this determination is the commitment to "deal with anything and everything that comes our way." But "dealing with it" exacts a hefty up-front cost. No denial, no pretence, no manipulation, no lies, no hiding behind anger or indignation, no violence or abuse. Just the honesty and courage of confronting and dealing with it. Indulgence must give way to discipline and commitment if we are to receive the benefits of "dealing with it."

Herein lies the beauty of integrity. We always receive the benefits if we pay the price. There is no scam in psychological integrity. By paying the price of "dealing with it", we gain the freedom of intimacy with ourselves and a sense of safety in ourselves.

This brings a feeling of well-being that is at the heart of liberation. By paying the price up-front we reap the gift of security and freedom. Only the committed will ever know this gift, but, fortunately, you, Marlene, are truly committed. You will continue to know the meaning of the freedom that comes from "dealing with it", because you continue to pay the price. Embrace the freedom. You earned it. And, yes, continue to "deal with it".

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