We can only line up everything that will line up in response to your good psychology and holistic approach to your body and spirit. Your damaged brain is supported and helped by that, but is still left with damage. It misfires and gets caught in having to deal with missing receptors and transmitters. As a result your memory eclipses, your body spasms, your being is taut and unable to release. We don't know the exact nature of the problems your electrical system is having trying to flow through your body. One thing is certain, however, it is unable to easily flow. It jerks and stops and starts. It flounders. It recoups. It tries again. Just as you do. Both your damaged brain and your captive body are doing what you are doing... trying very, very hard to compensate for the injury, trying very hard to function even with the injury. Every dimension of your being is challenged, affected, and trying to recover from the effects of the viral attack on your brain. You're all caught and you're all trying very hard.
It is a relentless process that gives the feeling of powerlessness a special meaning. All of you is powerless in some way. The damage is irreversible. The effects are still being discovered. The healing is also an atrophying. Your power is solely in the way you deal with all this and how you relate to it.
Aha! The power is no less real or powerful. It doesn't change the damage or the loss. But, it changes the outcome. Thank God, you are in charge of how this all plays out. This hard working brain, resilient body and indomitable spirit are influencing your recovery and your life.
We must reconcile the powerlessness with the powerfulness and be sure the integrity of the process clearly distinguishes the difference, and doesn't over play one and diminish the other. Again, the gift of integrity. Again the source of our hope.