It's almost too complex to tackle with linear thinking and writing. We have so many paradoxical needs and capacities, and so many things happening at any given moment. Yet, to have order and sequence and rhythm in our life we must be intimate with our sense of timing.
Your system's natural rhythm and timing has been damaged, and your focusing ability is diminished, so what is already a dilemma of significant complexity for anyone, is even more difficult for you.
How to find the access point for knowing the natural order that your system craves and therefore, be able to move rhythmically with your own timing is truly a quandary. Perhaps what we are discovering is that your body tells you in a negative way just as your mind does. Unfortunately, I guess, we rely on negative data even when we try to anticipate and prevent it from occurring. We are discovering that negative data is our teammate, not our unwanted outcome. Hmmmmm. Guess we should have known that!